


eyes on the road (as i ache)

by mafuyuukis (aslanjades)



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Ficlet, M/M, Road Trips, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:20:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28269756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aslanjades/pseuds/mafuyuukis
Summary: To love and be loved in return is the greatest privilege life has to offer. Hiiragi Kashima, unfortunately, does not speak from experience.
Relationships: Kashima Hiiragi/Yoshida Yuuki, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Satou Mafuyu/Yoshida Yuuki
Comments: 11
Kudos: 24





	eyes on the road (as i ache)

IN THIS WORLD, there are particular people you approach in particular scenarios. That’s just the way it goes.

If your car breaks down, you see a mechanic—they have all of the qualifications, all of the tools, all of the expertise. Given a few days and a few thousand yen, you’re sure they’ll fix it. That’s what they do. Just like how if you’re sick, you see a doctor, and with that fucked up, damn near illegible handwriting, they’ll prescribe you something that, somehow, makes everything better. 

If, hypothetically, you get the sudden urge to go on an impromptu road trip after you’ve just gotten your driver’s license, you call Yuki Yoshida. He won’t question it—not your ability to drive, not how long you’ll be gone, not where you’re going. You tell him the idea, he listens, and without hesitation, he says, “Hell yeah.”

That’s precisely how Hiiragi ended up here: sitting in the driver’s seat of his mom’s car (which, thankfully, she let him take as long as he swore not to wreck it) with his hands on the wheel and a stretch of road spread out in front of him. The windows are down and the wind is belting its own song over the radio and the exhaust fumes are painting steel clouds across the clear blue sky in his rear view mirror and, fuck, he loves this.

Then he turns his head. Then he sees _him._

Situated in the passenger seat with his head tilted back and a small, content smile on those rose-colored lips is Yuki Yoshida himself. His hair is mussed, and his eyes are closed. He’s always embodied light to Hiiragi, but now, he’s truly glowing. Hiiragi hasn’t seen the sun up close, but he’s sure that it would pale in comparison to all that Yuki is.

Fuck. He loves him.

Hiiragi remembers he has a promise to keep, so he turns his eyes back to the road and tightens his grip on the wheel. 

“Hey, Hiiragi,” Yuki utters. God, his voice. It’s syrupy sweet—soft and melodic even when he’s not vocalizing melodies arranged within that brilliant mind of his. Hiiragi can’t get enough of it.

“Yeah?”

Yuki takes a breath, in and out. “You want to know what I think?”

He trails off, and like a child, Hiiragi follows; there’s giddiness in having the privilege to venture beyond the surface of Yuki’s thoughts. Completely involuntarily, he finds a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah. What do you think?”

“I think . . . that I’m really in love with Mafuyu.”

And with that, Hiiragi’s world screeches to a halt. He would think the car has too, but the wind is still wailing and the hills in the distance continue to approach him. He grounds himself; his foot is still pushing on the gas and hovering above the brake. His hands are still tilting and nudging the steering wheel. The two of them are still propelling forward. 

But Hiiragi swears he’s stagnant. 

As perhaps the least grandiose response ever to pass his lips, especially to a statement of such seriousness, he offers a quiet “oh.”

“I mean,” Yuki turns down the radio so he can really be heard. Hiiragi thinks he’s going to be sick. “I’ve always loved him, of course. But I’ve been thinking about it, and I can’t imagine being with anyone else. The feeling I get with him . . . he makes me feel so _lovely_. So light. And that’s special; nothing else makes me feel that way. I don’t know what my life would be like without him, but I realized that I want to _spend_ my life with him. Isn’t that what being in love is? The real, mature kind?”

“I guess so, yeah.” Hiiragi’s almost positive that Yuki isn’t even looking at him, but he forces himself to smile, because that’s what a friend who isn’t having their heart broken in real time would do. “That’s hard to come by, you know.”

“Yeah. I just feel so lucky.”

 _You are_ , Hiiragi wants to say. But instead, he listens to Yuki sigh to himself, and, with a quick glance in his direction, watches him run his fingers through his hair, that small grin still taking form on his mouth. 

He’s beautiful. Looking at him makes Hiiragi want to cry, but he can’t see the road with blurred vision. 

“Hiiragi?” Yuki utters. The way he says his name is the same, but this time, it has an aftertaste. It’s syrupy sweet, then it’s bitter.

“Hm?” 

“Thanks for calling me. It’s nice to just drive.”

Hiiragi shrugs. “You’re the first person I thought of. And the only one who’d take me seriously.”

“You’re probably right about that,” Yuki laughs, and he can’t see it, but Hiiragi swears he simultaneously spews stardust. After the sound fades, Yuki turns up the radio a bit. It’s quieter than before, but with the combination of that, the wind, and the thoughts in Hiiragi’s head, everything is still so loud. 

“When you fall in love with someone,” Yuki blurts, voice sailing over that of the vocalist of the song that’s playing, “Promise me you’ll tell me all about it. I want to know how fucking annoying I am.”

Hiiragi shakes his head a little. “You’re not annoying.”

“Sure,” Yuki says. Out of his peripherals, Hiiragi sees Yuki dismissively wave his hand. “But I want to know when you feel this way. Seriously.”

“Okay.”

“Okay as in you’ll tell me or okay as in you’re acknowledging what I’m saying?”

“I’ll tell you,” Hiiragi chuckles. “Damn.”

Yuki seems to take that answer; there’s no lighthearted response, at least. Hiiragi lets him accept it, lets him believe that he hasn’t experienced intense, head-over-heels love yet. No one wants to hear of the unforgiving nature of unrequited affection; Yuki wants to hear about that floating feeling. He wants to hear about light and warmth and euphoria. 

It would be more blasphemous to tell him the truth, Hiiragi thinks. Defaulting on this one promise shouldn’t be so bad. 

So, eyes on the road—secretly in love and excruciatingly aching, too—he drives on. He doesn’t say a word; not about how in love he is now, and not about how in love with him he wishes Yuki could be. It’s the least he can do.

**Author's Note:**

> [mo](https://mobile.twitter.com/icedmo_) and the second verse of strawberry blond are to thank for this one. that’s all i have to say for myself.
> 
> [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/mafuyuukis)


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